Love & Dating | March 12th, 2021
Diaries of a Dating College Virgin
By: Mia Uzzell
When puberty blindsides our adolescent bodies, we cross the threshold where we have to have the long-awaited talk. Our parents sit hesitantly on the edge of our beds or the living room couch carefully selecting the perfect words for their “birds and bees” crash course. Their closing remarks vary from “we are always here to talk” to “stay away from sex entirely.”
For some, the conversation mirrors the opening scene of “Jane The Virgin” where the titular character’s Catholic grandmother depicts losing virginity as crumpling one’s purified white gardenia. For others, the conversation comes liberally. All in all, it marks the beginning of our journey with sex.
Most of us indulge in our hormonal jitters in high school, but there is a group who has held out past their high school careers and are now navigating the awkward college territory. In the midst of hookup culture, they are discovering the world of dating as a virgin.
For Nia Wromas, she attributes her days as a virgin, which ended this past summer, to never having the right timing.
In her middle school years, the introduction of sex-ed into the curriculum led to an onset of her peers experimenting. Justifiably, Nia, overwhelmed with confusion and fear, strayed away.
Moving into high school, she found herself awkwardly silent whenever friends exchanged their experiences – throwing in the occasional “me toos” to include herself. She felt comforted in knowing others who shared her secret while in school, but once she entered college, the pool of remaining virgins seemed to dwindle.
When friends asked Wromas what was her “why,” she credited her desire for an emotional connection to share the moment with.
“I am the type of person that is very emotional and I get attached very easily, so I couldn’t just lose it to anyone,” the junior social work student expressed.
However, she would be remiss to not note that her remaining a virgin for so long, didn’t mean that she condemned those who didn’t. Her virginity was in no way adherence to purity culture that purports sex until marriage. For her, she wanted to share her body for the first time with someone who would make her find serenity in baring her insecurities.
Even though it felt as if she was the lone virgin, Wromas’ hopeful romanticism was why she prevailed.
“I was never pressured to lose it. I knew eventually the right person would come around,” she said.
Isis Climes has an entirely different journey with her virginity, but she, too, is looking for the right partner. The senior broadcast journalism student has aspirations to wait until marriage.
“I want to keep my virginity, not for religious practice, but for my own personal reason,” said the 22-year-old. “I want to give myself to the person I call my husband.”
As Climes’ awaits Mr. Right, she has to enter the inevitable dating world.
This world comes with arcane rules about one-night fiascos, first date decorum, and the infamous body count talk. With the latter, many vehemently reject those that they deem too far on the upward side of the spectrum. But for college virgins, another question arises: Will anyone want to date someone that is on the other extreme of the spectrum? The sexually inexperienced side?
Isis believes, for potential partners, dating a virgin may feel otherworldly, so she cuts right to the chase to avoid anxiously waiting.
“Dating as a virgin in college is interesting because we live in a very sexually active society. I let my partner know before we try to pursue anything,” said Climes.
This forthright candor that Climes employs with her prospective suitors seems, however, suitable because of her sex. For males, there is a slew of cultural layers to unpack for potential partners to fully understand and accept their sexual inexperience.
A clear double standard on sexual experience exists. Men are championed to explore sex fully. Their sexual encounters are proudly tallied as some sort of badge of honor to don with pride. As kids, they are prescribed the title of “the ladies’ man” as if it is the pinnacle of achievements to collect women as prized possessions.
An anonymous male freshman says he hasn’t fallen into the societal pressures for him to have sex because he hadn’t felt the level of intimacy he needs. With women viewing him through the lens of societal double standards, he is hesitant to disclose that he is a virgin.
“I do not bring up my virginity to potential partners, I only tell them if they ask,” he said. “I am a little worried that fewer people would be interested in me if they knew I was a virgin.”
Although the nerves to open up initially prevail, he also knows, like Wromas and Climes, that he isn’t compatible with anyone that would diminish his value because of it.
College virgins know dating, in this time of their life, is undoubtedly tricky and nerve-wracking.
Wromas says it best, “We are in uncharted waters. We are in college and the odds of finding a virgin partner are slim to none.”